I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
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I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
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possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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