she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Dicks are not precious.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
