Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
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