I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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