SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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