I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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