Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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