The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
so let's talk penis.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
