I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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