just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
