Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
