Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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