I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
