I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Everclear isn't food dammit
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize