You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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