call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
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Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
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Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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