Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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