no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
we should paint friendship bongs
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