if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
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She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
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We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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