i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
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Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
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You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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