Will you blow on my dice?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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