You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
