Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize