Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.