Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight