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my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
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