pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.