mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..