Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
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Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
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An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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