That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
