He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
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