I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize