This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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