I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
