I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
