Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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