So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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