and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
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