I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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