went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
