used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
