Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize