I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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