i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
