so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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