In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
