ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.