shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her