Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.