You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
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He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
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Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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