Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible