my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating