just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.