So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
