guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
