i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
