i'm lost and i look like a hooker
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
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So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
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I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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