sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
