i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize